apathy

Hello world, it's been a very eventful month indeed. Could we have foreseen what was coming at the start of February? The month felt as if eternity was passing by, yet here we are at the end of it. It's been a wild ride but somehow the finish, the very last day, seems somewhat... lacklustre.

Today was a spiritual bad hair day -- too little discipline, too much inertia, too little prayer, too much work. In essence, I felt pretty out of sync with God. Despite that, I came out of Mass feeling a renewed sense of duty and commitment. Unfortunately, this was for the wrong reasons.

Envision a church that doesn't put in any effort in its celebrations, a church whose priests and ministries do not communicate enough, a church whose parishoners are slow to come and quick to leave. Welcome to St Anne's Church. It pains me to say that almost every time I go to St Anne's, I leave with a bitter taste in my mouth.

We are the biggest parish in Serangoon district. Our donations during Charities Week 2009 were the least. Our daily Masses are the emptiest. Our choirs ____. Our weekend Masses are the quietest and noisiest at the wrong times. Confession... what's that? It reeks with the smell of apathy. 

I do not doubt that there are committed and faithful people in this church. But quite unfortunately, a church doesn't comprise solely of its most faithful. Whenever I step into St Anne's, I am reminded of everything a parish community should not be. Whenever I step into St Anne's, no matter how tired and jaded I feel, I am reminded strongly of God's calling in my life (I'm not referring to any priestly callings here) because what I see is just so bad (not that I'm any better). 

There's a line in the atheist campaign in the UK that goes:

"There probably isn't a God -- Now stop worrying and enjoy your life!"

What's so wrong with this line isn't the first part (which is wrong still), but rather the second, which implies that God, if he does exist, doesn't want us to enjoy life. That religion is a vehicle of oppression and stifled minds. This is a lie, but it seems to have seeped into the heart of the church. God created enjoyment and relaxation. God is fun. God is open. God sets us free. 

Oh, how I dream of a day where the church truly knows this, where the church is vibrant and faithful, it's apathy transformed into passion.