all roads lead to rome

Going for vocation retreat just the other weekend was one of the best things I ever did this year. I went in seeking for answers, seeking for truth. Answers and truth I did indeed receive, yet, not that which I expected.

It was Holy Hour, a Saturday night. In front of Jesus I knelt, contemplating what path lay ahead. As I reflected, different shades of the future began flashing in front of my mind's eye. Priesthood, married life, Eucharistic celebration, Holy Matrimony, ministering from the pulpit, raising a family... My emotions were all over the place. In that moment of anguish my soul cried out, 

"Why have you put 2 so very different paths ahead of me? Why?? Why does it seem like you have to put forth an option which I don't want to undertake, yet would torture me if I didn't??"

The scripture reading that day couldn't have expressed my pain better:

"... I was given a thorn in the flesh... I have pleaded with the Lord three times for it to leave me..." 2 Cor 12:7-8

I took out my pen and began venting out my frustration in a drawing. I drew a picture of a road dividing into two, two separate paths of which only one could be chosen and walked. I was at a loss for what to do. And then I looked up at Jesus, and the answer hit me. 

The monstrance. 

Jesus sat in the middle. And around its periphery, roads and paths, all pointing to him. All roads lead to God.

"Peace be with you, my peace I give you."

For either path I'd been having doubts and fears of regret. For either path, it was a thorn in my side should I choose the other. Sorrow and regret of not being able to raise a family if I were to choose priesthood, fear for being disobedient if I chose the married life. 

But no, God was saying, you need to let go of your fears for both paths. Put your whole heart into the path you choose and let me do the rest. All that matters is that you did your best to fight the good fight. There is no ending to this until you finally take the first step. The worst path to choose is to not choose any path and instead stay still. Do you trust me?

"I do have faith, help the little faith I have!" Mark 9:24

"Whatever you choose, you have my blessing. Go in peace."

I came to the retreat, looking for answers. I left -- with peace.

"Do not despair. We are Easter people, and alleluia is our song." Pope John Paul II

"Lord, your constant love reaches the heavens; your faithfulness extends to the skies." Psalm 36:5

All roads lead to God.