purge

been having a lot of dark thoughts lately and i need an outlet to vent them...

the little green-eyed monster is one hell of a jackass.

sometimes being the 'fall-back-on guy' eats at me... this is probably rubbish but at times i feel like the very people i would give the skin off my back for only come to me when they have some need of sorts to be fulfilled. insecurities...? pfft. i don't actually mind it but when everything's over and done with the dark thoughts start coming.

yet, i'm a captive of my very own prison. it's like i'm throwing on the cloak of invisibility and expecting people to see me still.

it's odd, i don't do what i do for people to see. not at all. yet how a part of me burns with the sense of if only they saw blablabla, because perhaps, it might make them feel some sense of guilt. but my soul will see to it that i have none of this -- such a torture, this battle of body and soul.

because it burns that some of these friendships simply aren't mutual. it makes me feel used. 

but i think at the end of the day, i need to remind myself that this is a path i've chosen for myself. painful it may be, it is a path i'll continue walking. because if you choose to act even if there are no rewards to it, it makes what you do all the more sincere.

purge this darkness within me God...