center of my life

O Lord, you are the center of my life 
I will always praise you 
I will always serve you 
I will always keep you in my sight 

Keep me safe O God, I take refuge in you. 
I say to the Lord "You are my God, 
My happiness lies in you alone, 
My happiness lies in you alone."

This hymn has been playing in my head for quite a bit lately... I find it rather apt since God is above me (the Father), beside me (the Son) and within me (the Holy Spirit). 

I find it most annoying that my spiritual life seems to peak when I am in times of need, when I suffer some sort of 'affliction' in life (Most notably, Bravo Coy in SISPEC). Yet when these tough times pass (cue the overused army quote, "Tough times don't last -- Tough men do."), and life couldn't seem to get any better, I hit a dry spell. "O Lord, why art thou so irritating?"

I've come to realize that the answer lies in the hymn above. It is in the easy moments of life where I forget the giver over the gifts. It is in these moments where I sing,

O Lord, you are the center of my life (but I don't need you)
I will always praise you (but I've forgotten you)
I will always serve you (what's there to serve?)
I will always keep you in my sight (after this game).

I get so caught up with the gifts of good life that I forget exactly who these gifts came from, that the gifts cease to be gifts but rather things which I feel I deserve. How ironic that these, though gifts from God, choke me and obscure my vision!

"And some [seed] fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit."

But God, let me not fall sway, by your grace, to this so easily. Let me recognize that all I am and have is a gift from you. Let my joy and my happiness be in you, the Divine Giver, and not in the worldly gifts. Let me always bear the words of St. Ignatius in mind: "You have given me everything I am and have; I give all back to you to stand under your will alone. For your love and grace are enough for me; I shall ask for nothing more."

Because it is truly when "... I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish..." that I can gain the greatest gift of all -- God.

Amen.

My happiness lies in you alone,
My happiness lies in you alone.