Living God

I must be very honest here -- I haven't been living in a way that does justice to God for the past few days. I haven't been giving due attention to my vocation as a student.

In Mark's gospel, there was a man who once was possessed by a legion of demons, whom Jesus promptly cast out. That same man later begged Jesus to let him be a follower, but Jesus turned him down. Instead, he was asked to proclaim what God had done for him to his people.

I've been very caught up in asking God to let me walk with him. But in doing so perhaps I've forgotten what it is I am called to be at this point in time -- a student. Even St. Paul had a job of making tents alongside his evangelism, which he didn't neglect. So yes, I've fallen into the trap of being so caught up in trying to follow God that I forget what God wants me to do. And in doing so, I've stopped living God.

What does it mean to live God? It doesn't mean trying to do everything possible in Church and neglect what is outside Church. We are called to evangelise our faith by the way we live, in our workplaces, in our schools, in our homes. There is no better evangelist than one that radiates God in everything he does, not just Church work. For who sees what we do in Church? Those who already are in Church. Worse still if they see the side of you that exists outside of Church. Isn't it ironic for one who preaches about discipline and delayed gratification in Church to skip lectures and sleep in class? Let's be careful about how we conduct ourselves, lest even those who look up to us be disillusioned.

So yes, my thirst for knowledge of God (and philosophy) has been rekindled and multiplied many-fold. It is a welcome return. But it is a return that must be delayed first so that I can focus on what God would have me do at this juncture. So instead, I'll list down what I plan to read once I'm over with this current task, both as an incentive and as a means of putting it aside to focus on the right thing.

C.S. Lewis: The Four Loves, Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters
Plato: Republic (and I always say that I hate philosphy.. LOL)
G.K. Chesterton: Orthodoxy, The Everlasting Man
J.P. II: Theology of the Body
St. Augustine: Confessions
St. John of the Cross: Ascent of Mount Carmel, The Dark Night of the Soul
Richard Dawkins: The God Delusion
and not least, GOD: BIBLE

It's a mighty load of books to read, but seeing how I'll have nothing to do from May to August (assuming I pass my exams, so all the more it's an incentive), it's something I look forward to.

A random thought that came to mind as I was walking home from the barber (perhaps cutting your hair does air the brain eh?):

Is there really no other path for a man (or woman) whose life is all about God other than that of the religious life? I want to be a man whose life is all about God. Yet another part of me wants to settle down and have a family. Are these contradictory goals?

I don't want to be a man whose god is built into his life. No, I want to be a man whose life is built into his God.