Called

Wow, seems like I'm on a blogging roll eh? Perhaps as CA draws closer (it being tomorrow *gulp*) all the more I'm in a reflective mood.

I've always felt 2 callings: one to be a shepherd of God, the other to serve. Even way back when my faith was in its infancy, when it was non-existent too perhaps. Sometimes it scares me, because of the thought of having to lay down my dreams and become a priest (perhaps the reason being that the only dream I ever had was to settle down and have a family, which kinda runs contrary to the religious life). But still I feel called to live my life for others. Recently, God, as per his usual style of challenging me, asked: "Will you lay down your life and pick up your cross for me?"

"I don't know," I replied in all honesty. The Great One's answer had, as ever, the warmth of a drill sergeant: "Don't know means you won't la!"

Then he asked again, "Are you willing to pick up and carry the crosses of those who find the burden too heavy and have given up?"

I guess both his questions reflect what I really desire to achieve. A love unselfish and disinterested, a love ready to lay down one's life, a love like Christ's. Because really, the only way to live a life for God and for others is to lay oneself down first. That love has a name. It's called agapé. And I guess, the path to achieving it is really to have no other wordly passions except for the Passion of Christ.

I'm not perfect. I'm a hypocrite, a liar and a selfish person, insecure in faith. I don't know whether or not I'm called to the religious life. But I do know that I'm called to die to myself and live a life for others. I know that I'm called to agapé. Perhaps it's about time to up the ante.

It's no longer just about picking up my own cross. It's about being willing to carry the crosses of others...